In the last blog I delved into the three primary modalities we use to give and receive information – visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Today I’ll go into the three submodalities of communication.

The first one I call the attraction-avoidance submodality, i.e. the tendency to be primarily motivated by something (or someone) that attracts, or conversely, repulses. As an example, let’s say you’re a loan officer and giving it your best to motivate a customer to apply for a loan: “Ms. Hayes, we offer the lowest interest rate in town, without any pre-payment penalty.” Ms. Hayes isn’t motivated. Why not? She wants a loan, and the terms seem very attractive. What if the loan officer adds, “and Ms. Hayes, you won’t be faced with a huge balloon payment at the end of the term.” Now she wants the loan, because her motivation is inclined toward avoidance of something perceived as undesirable.

The next submodality deals with internal or external frames of reference. Ask a person, “How do you know when you’ve achieved success in your field of work?” If this individual won an Oscar for best actor, he has that prized statuette on his mantle, but didn’t feel his work was anything special, no quantity of awards or public kudos with make him feel otherwise. On the other hand, he may feel ecstatic about his performance in a low budget film that was panned by everyone and lost money. This person has an internal frame of reference. Proof of validation comes from the outside for the one who has a primarily external frame of reference.

The last submodality has to do with whether you’re a matcher or a mismatcher. Matchers perceive and prefer places, people, and things that are the same or similar; mismatchers gravitate towards “different”. Mismatchers pride themselves on being different, and making distinctions. Point out how fantastically unique their outlook on life is, their way of doing something, or even the way they dress, and you probably have a friend for life. The matcher would revel in being compared to someone or something held in high esteem (identifying with the similar). These folks don’t mind routine if it’s something they enjoy. Mismatchers tend to require variety and flexibility. You can see how knowing these tendencies could help in hiring the right person for a job.

Would a person motivated by attraction make a good partner with someone primarily motivated by avoidance? Is it possible for people with internal frames of reference to work with those who have external frames of reference? Can a mismatcher of a guy live with his matcher girlfriend? Yes, it’s all possible, just as long as they understand and appreciate each other for the fact that things can be perceived differently and it’s not necessarily right or wrong. Adaptability is the key. Learn about boosting energy with better communication here